No one had seen Alberta like this. Ever. Stoic and fiercely independent, they were rattled, anxious even fearful.
“We will not submit. You may cave, we will not,” they said. “The oilers will reduce the plains to flames if necessary.”
Prince Edward weighed in.
“Don’t be so dramatic. There is one advantage.”
Labrador and Newfoundland restrained their neighbor Quebec as they lunged at Prince Edward.
“Il n’y a aucun avantage pour le Canadien,”[1] Quebec stammered. “Il détruira notre culture et notre langue. Nous ne nous inclinerons jamais devant cette carcasse orange gonflée.”
“That’s the problem,” Prince Edward said. “We ignore reason and logic so you can protect your precious language and culture. Listen ….”
“Reason! There can be no reason!” British Columbia screamed checking Prince Edward into the wall. “Lose our health insurance and be thrown at the mercy of the American Health Industrial Complex?
“Lose free education?
“Surrender O Canada for an annoying anthem based on an English drinking song! Of course, the bombs were bursting in air, the English never could hit anything! Canucks won’t accept such an outcome.”
Prince Edward broke free from the wall and slid away from the line of defense set up by Quebec, Newfoundland and Labrador.
The Northern Territories and Nunavut sat on one side. They weren’t upset. They were used to being ignored while the territories and provinces fought. No one noticed the small fire they started with maple paneling pulled from the wall.
“We would be the second largest state after California. We’d have about 48 seats in the House and two senators. That’s 50 electoral votes,” Yukon Territory said looking up from a book on American government. “Unless they change the apportionment law, our seats are going to come from the other states. We’d have schwack in their presidential elections.”
“See there’s another reason,” Prince Edward said.
“Reason for what?” Nova Scotia asked throwing their fishing jacket on the couch. “Sorry I’m late. The haul was awesome today. Couldn’t get away.”
They tossed a wrapped package to Nunavut.
“Atlantic Cod, like you asked.”
“Jesus Novie,” Ontario said. “How about a shower? You smell like chum.”
Quebec couldn’t help themselves …. again. “Le Prince veut devenir le 51e État !”[2]
“Not gonna happen,” Novie said. “They’ll stick us with Maine. Nope.”
Manitoba heard enough. “Our jets can stop any onslaught from the south. We will preserve our confederation, lakes, polar bears and belugas.”
“That type of knee-jerk, saber-rattling response is expected from militaristic Manitoba,” Prince Edward said.
Manitoba rose to squash Prince Edward. Ontario stepped in.
“Countrymen, it is impossible to believe that the senators and commoners would allow the Stars and Stripes to replace maple leaves across our great land,” Ontario said. “Passions are high, but we have not let Prince Edward state his case. The floor is yours.”
Prince Edward took a deep breath. Tears welled in the corner of their eyes. Their voice cracked. They understood the gravity of surrendering, but the gain would outweigh that loss and restore the nation’s psyche.
“If we do this, we will again be in the same country as the Stanley Cup. What is ours, will be ours again.”
The Holy Trinity of Howe, Orr and Gretsky brought silent wisdom to the skirmishing nation. They felt their hearts and consciences clear.
“Makes sense eh” they said in unison.
“It is about the Cup,” Quebec said.
“It’s about the Cup,” the nation chanted. “It’s about the Cup.”
“So,” Nunavut asked looking up from cooking. “Where would the 51st star go?”
[1] “There is no advantage for the Canadiens,” Quebec stammered. “It will destroy our culture and our language. We will never bow to this swollen, orange carcass.”
[2] “The prince wants to become the 51st state!”
45 Drumpf 