WASHINGTON, D.C. and AN UNDISCLOSED BUNKER – Ignoring precedent, president-elect Donald J. Trump declined to take the oath of office on the steps of the U.S. Capitol.
“Public inaugurations are hotbeds of conspiracies,” Trump tweeted on large screens erected on the West Side of the Capitol.
While Trump did not reveal his location, sources close to the administration said the president-elect was in the undisclosed bunker where he’ll work while he remodels the White House into an Executive Residence, Casino and Entertainment Venue. (See: 45 Drumpf: Finally a White House that Entertains).
“Lincoln’s second shindig? You’ve seen the pic. Sure shot John Wilkes Booth is near him. Six weeks later, both dead!”
“Then Tippecanoe. At age 69 a two-hour inauguration speech in a cold, spring rain. Two weeks later — dead!”
“Forty of the 45 presidents who have taken the oath in public are DEAD!”
“VPs expendable. Proceed.”
On cue, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas began to administer the oath to Vice President-elect Mike Pence but was interrupted by the late arrival of outgoing President Barack Obama and Vice President Joseph R. Biden.
“Dude never showed for the drive up here,” an exasperated Obama told U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. “Not that I wanted to ride with him. A call or tweet would have been nice. He here?”
Without speaking, Roberts pointed to the large screens as a new message appeared.
“Nice of Mr. Michelle Obama to make it. So Kenyan. So Late. So Rude. It’s five after, let’s get started. DJT always on time.”
Reaching into his coat pocket, Biden pulled out his Khazir Khan autographed copy of the U.S. Constitution. He thumbed through its pages and looked up when he found what he needed.
“Hey boss,” he said turning toward Obama. “It’s right here in Section 1 of the Twentieth Amendment, ‘The terms of the President and Vice President shall end at noon on January 20th …’
“Constitution says I don’t have to put up with this shit anymore. C’mon Jill,” Biden said grabbing his wife’s hand and starting back up the Capitol steps.
“Then I’m with Joe,” former First Lady Michelle Obama said grabbing Biden’s other hand. “Meet us at the Elephant and Castle, okay Barry?
“Hillary, Laura, Roslyn, you coming? Bring the boys.”
As Biden led a parade up the Capitol steps, he turned back to Pence. “Hey Mickey, got one of these,” Biden asked as he pointed to the Presidential Medal of Freedom on his chest. “I guess you don’t.”
Before Pence could complete his oath, the screen returned to life.
“Hey John Roberts, I know more about oaths than anyone so this should work.
“I Donald J. Trump, do solemnly swear on behalf of the Donald J. Trump Organization …..”
45 Drumpf 