Posted Dec. 10, 2016
GRAND RAPIDS MICHIGAN – 45 Drumpf CEO Donald J. Trump told disappointed followers at a rally on Friday that he will back off his promise to jail former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
He said he has a “better idea.”
“No, its okay,” Trump told his supporters as they began to chant “Lock Her Up!”
“Forget it. That plays great before the election. Now we don’t care,” Trump said.
“Instead I’m going to appoint a secretary of state with a probation officer. That’s right, a man who has pled guilty to illegally disclosing classified information to his mistress.”
Trump was referring to retired four-star General and former CIA director David Petraeus who admitted his guilt to the unauthorized possession of classified information after it was disclosed he provided documents to his mistress. As part of his plea deal in April 2015, Petraeus must pay a $100,000 fine and serve two years probation. If nominated and confirmed, Petraeus would not be able to leave the United States without the permission of his probation officer until his probation period expires.
Even the Trump campaign’s chief misinformation manager, FBI Director James Comey, was shocked by the conduct of Petraeus. In testimony before the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee on July 7, Comey told the inattentive congressmen that because Petraeus had deliberately “lied” when first questioned by investigators, his conduct was worse that anything Clinton had done.
“So you have obstruction of justice, you have intentional misconduct and a vast quantity of information” that was highly classified, Comey said. “He admitted he knew that was the wrong thing to do. That is a perfect illustration of the kind of cases that get prosecuted.”
But as Trump left the stage from this Michigan rally, he was overheard telling staff why he wanted the general and how he would solve the probation issue.
“Probation, no problem; I’ll pardon him,” Trump said. “You can’t work for me unless you can go where I say and do what I want.”
Trump then volunteered that he’s not interested in the general’s experience. “No, I like his nerve,” Trump said. “You know he just looked his mistress right in the face and grabbed her in the pussy.
“That’s a secretary of state that will make America great again.”
(45 Drumpf is devoted to political satire and commentary. Any similarity between these essays and actual news should be considered a huge disappointment.)
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