Posted Dec. 6, 2016
NEW YORK – 45 Drumpf, managing partner in the Donald J. Trump Presidency, will put its stamp on the White House.
“Government is boring and so are its buildings.” 45 Drumpf Chief Executive Officer Donald J. Trump announced earlier today. “The election of our client shows Americans want their government to do more than protect them, they want entertainment.”
Keeping with past practice, Trump did not attend the press conference or disclose his location. Instead the president-elect transmitted his plans via Twitter across a large screen in the lobby of Trump Tower.
“America needs a great residence for its head of state .” Trump thumbed. “Look around.”
“10 Downing. Too musty and old. Rising damp. Another English row house.”
“Kremlin? Dank and cold. Why does Vlady live in dump? Sue builder over bulges in roof. Do not pay.”
“The Palais de ‘’l’Élysee? French.”
“Four-year term is a lease. We’ll replace Houso Blanco with an executive mansion, casino and entertainment complex. (See I love Mexicanos!)
As for the costs of the project?
“Haven’t decided which country will pay. Maybe I’ll hit up a US corporation or the unions. Lots of arms to twist.”
A 45 Drumpf insider, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, offered a glimpse into the president-elect’s marketing plans.
“Everyone will be welcome since casinos are built on separating the little person from their money,” the insider said. “However, there will be special gaming rooms for citizens like the president-elect who have managed to pay little or no taxes for decades. The president-elect feels that if you pay less in taxes than the person dealing your cards or bringing drinks, then we should throw in a lap dance or two with dancers rated a 10 by the Great Leader-elect. ”
(45 Drumpf is devoted to political satire and commentary. Any similarity between these essays and actual news would be a huge disappointment.)
45 Drumpf 